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Parent to Grandparent Same or Different?
Oh different!
We are coming to a time when most of the baby boomers in our nation are becoming grandparents and therefore we will have the largest population of grandparents in the history of North America. Grand parenting is not distinct onto itself as it brings with it other labels and relationships, like mother-in-law, father-in-law. How come there are more jokes about mother-in-laws than father-in-laws? That’s another article.
Just how do you grand parent? What’s expected? How do you behave? Keep in mind that this ‘new’ child isn’t your child and that he /she will be the product of your beliefs, values and traditions plus the beliefs, values and traditions of another family, possibly another culture. I would like to offer you some of my life coaching activities that I use with my clients to help them transition from parent to grandparent, Try them and share with friends, they certainly make for a good starting points for grand parent discussions.
1. Let your son/daughter, son/daughter in-law know that they have your support but only when Needed and/ or Requested. This will let them know that you love them and care for them but that you will keep an appropriate distance. Depending on individual family relations this will be expressed in various forms.
2. Resist saying, “when little Johnny/Susie was a baby” I did this or that or the other thing. This puts the focus on you, remember always put the new parents and grandchild first in your phone calls, emails or direct conversations. Use soft questions to begin conversations. How is baby today? How is Mommy/Daddy today? These are caring questions that put a positive focus on the new family.
3. Gift giving can always be a concern as you need to be in tune with the parent’s values and needs. To be practical find out what is needed. One safe gift to give as a birth gift is opening a bank account in the child’s name. This helps instill in the child at an early age the value of saving money which is for the most part valued in our society. Make sure it is at Mom and Dad’s bank for convenience.
4. If living at a distance and are technical savvy, ask the parents if you could view baby at least once a month via some form of a webcam. This will allow you to see your grandchild’s growth and he/she will get to associate your name with your smiling face.
5. Create a grandparent journal. Just purchase a low cost blank booklet and make notes of your thoughts and happenings for your grandchild’s first year. A sample might be ’the day you were born the temperature was. ’ The minute I heard you were born, note your feelings. Continue this for a year, Keep the journal and present to your grandchild at a moment in their life that you decide, possibly 18 birthday, high school graduation etc.
You and your grandchild
As your grandchild grows, here are some ways to build your relationship with them.
1. Always make positive comments.
2. Praise, praise, praise.
3. Email them regularly.
4. Become familiar with their hobbies and best friends.
5. Inquire about future plans.
6. Never override their parents.
7. Takes lots of photos.
8. Plan sleepovers.
9. Tell them stories about your childhood.
10. If you live at a distance keep in contact via email and phone.
Enjoy your grandchild and they will see you as a source of joy and wisdom that will help shape their life.
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